Into Sweet Focus

Lamentations 3:22 -- "The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease."

I knew that sound. I also had a pretty good idea what caused it. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen I confirmed what the sinking knot feeling in my stomach was telling me.  The old Godfather's Pizza Coke pitcher lay in hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen tile floor. I breathed out a sigh and my shoulders slumped.  Those things are pretty tough to find, even on E-bay and it had taken me forever to finally locate one and then miraculously win the bid for it.

Acting on pure and quite misplaced hope, I started scooping up all the pieces I could get my hands on -- a tiny glimmer of enthusiasm at the extremely slight chance I might be able to glue it back together....but as the pieces got smaller and smaller and were found as far away as the cat food bowl in the dining room, I pushed up off my knees and reached for the broom instead. It was not fixable -- no matter how hard I hoped and how strong my desire, the thing was not going to be put back the way it once was, gleaming in it's stained-glass beauty, chef's hand outlined in bold black as it held out what was probably a really wonderful pizza. The bright Coke-a-cola red reflecting the kitchen lights and those wonderfully hap-hazard cursive letters spelling out Coke in white - raised from the surface of the glass - were, indeed, a thing of the past.

Some things, we cannot restore. Some things, we cannot bring back to original sparkle and shine. I have learned this the hard way in my own life.

Like Humpty Dumpty, in a sea of broken egg shell, there are many things in my own experiences that I have had a powerful desire to fix. An almost obsessive drive to take a broken thing and make it whole again, a stringent passion to apply elbow grease and a really good spit-shine until the thing is bright and shiny - the cracks and scarring no longer visible, even if using a magnifying glass.

And -- much like Humpty Dumpty -- the hope and passion I have for a thing, doesn't necessarily make it fixable. It's in THAT moment, the almost physical switching of gears in my brain -- that I change my focus from ER nurse and ambulance driver - to clean-up crew with a mop and broom. The trick is ... knowing when to switch gears. ...or at least, that's what I thought.

In a wonderfully tired, late night moment at my kitchen bar, sitting on re-claimed bar stools picked up from a thrift store, beautifully ceremonious and comforting hot tea steaming from bright red coffee mugs - my Mom [even more beautiful and comforting] put her mug on the counter top and looked me right in the eye. She said - focus on God's love.

Could it really be THAT simple? In my quite obsessive quest to fix whatever thing might be broken in my life at the moment, is it really as simple as bringing into sweet focus, the amazing, never-ending, unconditional love of our Father?

I think my Mom, just might be right. [I know she is, she usually is....but even now, well out of my rebellious teen-age years I am a stubborn person.] I take a deep sip of my Sleepy Time Herbal Tea and peer up over the rim of my mug [maybe hiding just a little] and look into my Mother's wonderful brown eyes. It's amazing how this woman loves me in spite of the trouble I can be for her.

Maybe it's not about switching gears. Maybe I don't have to go from apron donned, clinging tightly to every available glue on the planet with clinched fists - to broom in one hand and dust bin in the other.  Maybe, through the whole falling of Humpty Dumpty off the wall - my itchy and well-intended fingers should always be wrapped tightly around those of my Lord and Savior. It's not the falling of Humpty Dumpty that's most important in my life. It's Jesus. Always Jesus. Focus on God's love. This wonderful, amazing, sturdy and strong NEVER ENDING love of our Lord. It really really IS that simple.

Notice, I didn't claim it really really IS that EASY.  Because it's not going to be at all.  Especially when I've put 41 years into being the fix-it or give up person that I usually am - pouring so many years of time and practice into a certain behavior will, no doubt, be a difficult thing to overcome. But it IS a simple thing. A strong and sturdy truth to which I can cling with all of my heart.

I sit there, in that beautiful moment, sipping tea with my amazing Mom - when really we should both be counting our much needed Z's in dream land - and I am warmed. Not just by the tea and it's magical herbal properties. I am warmed by this truth that my Mother has so gently, lovingly, and gracefully given to me. I am warmed by the incredible example my Mom has been to me my entire life. I am warmed by her obedience and service to our Savior. And I begin practice straight away - bringing into sweet focus, the love of our Lord.