A Sharper Image

Psalm 143:10 -- "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground." 

 

Steven still dates me.  It's true.  Married for sixteen years this year, the first words out of his mouth every morning are still "I Love You". When he comes home for lunch he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, [even if I'm elbow deep in the toilet, cleaning the house]. The other day he told me that he couldn't imagine life without me in it.  And yes,  he is one of the precious few amazing men that still date their wives after sixteen years and two kids. [I AM the luckiest woman alive, I know!]

One of our favorite dates is to hike out into the Florida Suburban Wild and go crazy with the camera.  We are both shutter bugs.  Lately, I find that more and more often, I'll take what seems to be this amazing, prize-winning photograph only to get home, upload my treasures onto the computer and discover the shot is not in focus.  It's not the camera [I got a new one for Christmas]. It's the photographer.  Yup, I have reached that magical age that finds me saying "pardon me?" a little more often and in need of new glasses -- bi-focals.  My earth-shattering photos don't come out because I can't tell if the camera is in focus.  I have such a hard time adjusting from what I see beyond the camera lens to the image THROUGH it, that I often click the shutter when additional focus is needed. I am in need of a sharper image.

There are times in my spiritual journey, that I am also in need of sharper image.

We head through life with so many personal filters that sometimes it's a little bit tricky clearly discerning the one voice that is the most important.  I love Psalms for this!  You see, a long time ago I was convicted to pray using the language that God uses when He speaks to us....I pray scripture.  One of the verses in my prayer box under the heading "Supplication" is Psalm 143:10. "...may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

As I sit down every morning for my morning cup of Joe and my Daily Bread, I pray that the Lord fill me with his Holy Spirit so that my personal filters are turned off -- giving me a sharper image of what God may want me to see. I DO, occasionally, have to don the spiritual bi-focals and read the verse again to get a clearer understanding and to hear more accurately the instructions God has for me. The beautiful thing is....God has provided us with what we need to get a clear picture from Him...his living, breathing Word....fit for all ages and all seasons of life.

In Psalms, you can even discover finer adjustment to focus our spiritual lenses in chapter 119: 34-35 -- "Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.  Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight."

Using the tools God has given us - we really do have what we need to fine tune our lenses, to hear his voice crisply and cleanly...go ahead....don't' be shy.  Grab your bi-focals or your readers, slide them on the end of your nose and get a sharper image.  Revel in the detail and the beauty of the path through which God is leading you.  You might be surprised.

After handing me my new specks during a visit to my eye doctor a while back, the doctor adjusted the lenses to my face and said "You'll be so surprised.  The trees will have leaves again."

Wow....I had no idea how much I really wasn't seeing. I love the sharper image!

How Do I Work This Thing?

Isaiah 40:11 -- "He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." [NIV]

Hazellyn Joy Babb by David Babb Photography

The squirming, kicking, red-face bundle of bouncing baby boy on the changing table would NOT stop screaming.  A tough delivery, I had only just arrived home from my stint in ICU and was kind of on my own, staring at this screaming little human being in complete bewilderment.  I had tried everything.  I nursed him.  I changed him.  I rocked him.  I sang to him. What in the world was I supposed to do now?

The phone sent out a ring that startled me from my happy misery so I gently picked my first born son up and put him up against my shoulder so I could answer the call.  It was my Dad.  We were all snowed in, my parents in Dickson and I in Nashville - Dad wanted to check on us to see how we were.  I didn't even say hello....in complete, humble and honest desperation I blurted out "where is the instruction manual on this thing?!"

Just faintly past the bellowing, I caught the sound of laughter on the other end of the line...my Dad thought that was funny.

"We don't get instruction manuals", he informed me. "You get to do what the rest of us parent did.....trial and error."

Wow....I was suddenly terrified. That seems like an awfully scary way to raise a child.  What if I mess up?  When is it time to call 911?  How do I make sure he has everything he needs to grow into a man of God?

Attempting to be a good little wife, I lugged this loud little bundle around the apartment with me and tried to get a few things cleaned up.  Switching the laundry from the washer to the dryer....I tucked eternally grumpy baby Brian into his car seat and placed it on top of the dryer to free up my hands......SILENCE!  Blessed silence.  Nothing but clothes bumping around in circles with the humming dryer motor in the back ground.

Well!  I never would have thought of THAT.

God's got it all under control -- even when I don't.  "He gently leads those that have young.". Whew! Am I glad to hear that!  I had no idea, but Brian, born six weeks too early, had some pretty bad stomach troubles, one of which was colic.  The heat and gentle rumble of the dryer comforted him enough for him to finally get some much needed rest. [not to mention for Mom to catch a few zzz's while propped up against the machine, as well].

My first baby is nineteen years old, now.  Nineteen!!  Oh how the years fly by!  He still sleeps to the gentle hum of white noise. ...who knew?

Parenthood is a wonderfully terrifying, frustrating and rewarding thing.  It's nice to know that I am tucked snugly into God's arms, close to His heart while he gently guides me through this journey.

[NOTE:  The photograph used in today's blog is my niece, Hazellyn Joy Babb taken by her Dad, professional photographer David Babb of David Babb Photography in Chicago, IL.]

Custom Kicks

I Peter 4:10 -- "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."

It is 11.3 miles from our house here in Saint Johns, to my husbands office in Jacksonville.  I know this number intimately because I walked it.  I could have kept ON walking, too ... if it weren't for my feet.  When it was all said and done and I managed to crawl into my rocker to soak my tootsies...the damage was almost unbelievable. My blisters had blisters! [I'm not making that up and I didn't even know that could happen, but trust me, it can.]  Each foot had no fewer than four -- count 'em -- FOUR blisters, ranging from the heels, to the outside of my arches and the balls of my feet.  Ouch!! One of the worst ones was over three inches long.  Again...OUCH!

Do you know why this happened?  I had the wrong shoes.  While they were an excellent brand and were carefully designed for people like me who really like to walk, they were old and didn't fit very well.  They had stretched out over time and had become too big...so friction had a field day. The right shoes MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!

During a phone conversation with my Mom the other day I mentioned a couple thinks that had been running around unattended in my head.  I told her that as the daughter of missionary parents, who's Dad is ALSO a minister...I have some very large shoes to fill. I was telling her about the conversation that my previously mentioned amazing friend and I were having on just that exact subject. My Mom said the same thing that my amazing friend said: "You weren't called to walk in our shoes, you were called to wear your own."

So simple! So perfectly simple!  Wearing the right shoes really does make all the difference!  "Each one, should use whatever gift he has received". Galatians 6:5 even tells us each to carry our own load so we don't compare ourselves to others. I don't have to try to wear my parent's shoes, or my neighbors shoes or anybody's shoes but the ones God has instructed me to wear.

I think it's easy for us to compete with and compare ourselves to others. So often we we try to fit into another person's mold when that's really not what we are called to do.  Use your God given shoes whether they be spiky high heels, flip-flops, swim fins, or sneakers.  Each pair has a specific purpose to GOD'S purpose and we won't come away from our busy and hectic days with so many blisters if we wear the pair that He has designed for us to wear.

I just got this mental image of a model trying to walk the runway wearing swim fins.  Hilarious! [...and kinda' stupid?] How far do you think she's going to get to her purpose in those things?

...Nope....the right shoes make all the difference and God has gifted us each with a custom pair of kicks. They are a WHOLE lot more comfortable and effective than trying to squeeze our tootsies into a pair that just weren't designed for our feet.

The Popcorn Is A Lie

Jeremiah : -- "Will you indeed be to me like a deceptive stream with water that is unreliable?"

 

I look at my watch again only to discover that the numbers haven't changed all that much since the last time I checked it.  My stomach lets out this rather loud complaint that actually motivates the lucky few who share this waiting room with me to turn their heads and look in my direction. Feeling my ears and cheeks turn a bright red from the unwanted attention,  I get up from the luxury of the plastic bucket seat bolted to the wall and make my way over to the "snack" counter.

One of the least favorite things on my to do list is get the oil changed in the car.  ...for SOOOOO many reasons.  It never takes the short and painless fifteen minutes that they advertise and because I'm a female, the powers that be behind the oil-streaked glass window of the workshop assume I'm an idiot and don't know anything about what the car really needs. [I love the look on their faces when I volley their own terminology back at them to inform them that the only thing I want is an oil change because that IS the only thing the vehicle needs].

While I have once again completely underestimated the amount of time required to get this task ticked off my list....it's past lunch and my stomach is letting everybody know it.

...so back to the "snack" counter, I pass up the opportunity to have a nice luke-warm cup of, the unidentifiable stuff in the "coffee" pot, I see the bright red and white pop corn machine and think BINGO!  Don't mind if I do.  I open the door, fill up a small paper bag and breath in the deep, buttery aroma of white fluffy kernels.  My mouth starts to water and I place a choice piece on my tongue.

Ummm. Gross.  I grew up in a third world country eating all kinds of adventurous things and I STILL cannot force myself to swallow this....this....thing in my mouth.  Man, I really don't want to gag in front of all these nice people so I escape into the nightmare they call a ladies room and spit in the trash.  Wow...that was horrible.

I go back to the waiting room sans popcorn bag and sit back down.  I look at the machine again.  Funny it LOOKS like a popcorn machine.  The light inside SEEMS to emanate heat and the sign on the outside even says "Fresh Popcorn"...but trust me, the stuff inside isn't hot and by no stretch of any imagination anywhere close to being fresh.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's actually popcorn.  Maybe it's that stuff they pack around breakable stuff to keep it from being damaged when shipped.

I'll just bare with the growling of my stomach.

I wonder....how many of us resemble the deceptive popcorn?  Do I put on nice clothes, get my hair and make up just right to sit in Sunday service and sing Praises, read Scripture, and pray with fellow Christians only to act differently through out the week?  Do I LOOK like a Christian but somehow not exactly have the true FLAVOR of one?

"If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit." [Galations 5:25]

I want with all of my heart to be the real thing.  No more deceptive popcorn!

Hazardous Missing Chunks

Ephesians 6:11 -- "Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil." [NASB]

Making a sound that resembles a bear waking up from a nap, I put the controller down on the ottoman [and none too gently, I might ad].  I died...AGAIN!!  And I had just mined the mother load of iron, had two new picks on me, the all-important map, AND a few of those elusive diamonds from the giant rift I just discovered in Mine Craft.  And now, as I respawn back at base-camp....I have NONE of those things.  I just spent the last hour diligently and ever so carefully escaping gravel-cave-ins, running from those sneaky creepers, and ever so daintily eluding lava falls and now I'm back at square one.  BEFORE square one even because I've lost my stupid map!

The rest of the family is still glued to the TV, their fat stick-figures hammering away at strategically placed chunks in the Mine Craft universe.  ARG, I say! ARG!  I announce that I don't want to play anymore.  A chorus of  "What?, Why?" rings out in the living room and I tell them...."look, it took me forever to get out of that rift.  I survived the plethora of perils within and almost drowned digging myself out -- when I finally reach the surface to smelt my treasures into useable blocks, I trip and fall into one of those missing chunks! [Essentially, in Mine Craft speak - I fell into a hole and died from impact].

Tyler says: "Mom, you weren't wearing your armor, were you?"
Me: "Yes huh, I was!  I had on the legging thingies and the chest plate.  AND it was iron, NOT gold or leather [which are inferior, by the way].
Brian says: "Mom, you HAVE to have ALL the armor....not just a couple of  pieces or you still take fall-damage."

GRRR....those hazardous missing chunks get me every time!!

Kind of made me think of Ephesians 6:11. A couple of pieces of the Armor of God just aren't going to cut it. Because "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of wickedness" [Eph. 6:12].

As it was so beautifully demonstrated through my character in Mine Craft, I may be able to evade a pretty good amount of pit-falls if I have the "breastplate of righteousness" and have "shod my feet with the gospel of peace",  but I could be wholly protected if I also had the "shield of faith, to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one" -- and the helmet of salvation, the sword of the spirit, and the legging thingies of truth. [Eph. 6:13-17]. I might be able to stand firm against peer pressure, avoid temptation, and stand firm in my faith in Jesus Christ -  only to be hurt by an unkind word and allow my thoughts to dwell on negative things. Taking just a small amount of  damage here and there ads up.  Eventually we aren't capable of fighting the battle any longer. That just isn't acceptable.  Every soldier in the army of the Lord has to be ready and able to fight.

How does it go?  Hope for the best and prepare for the worst!  Expect a GREAT day full of powerful achievements and Godly accomplishments but also, put on the FULL armor of God and avoid those hazardous missing chunks!

Wiggle Your Big Toe

Psalm 37:23 -- "The steps of man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way"

In the past couple of days I've come across some really great blogs, two of which [keepinguphomeinabusyworld.blogspot.com and putdowntheurinalcake.com]  happened to be on the exact same topic.  Woman of house is overwhelmed.  It made me think of a movie the guys and I watched a long time ago. [The only female in the household, I have learned to appreciate a good action flick.]

In the movie "Kill Bill" the heroine breaks out of a coma that she has been in for years and must high-tail-it out of Dodge in order to escape life threatening danger. The problem?  She's been in a coma for several years.  Her legs have atrophied.  So with every ounce of strength she can muster she pulls herself to the truck that she intends to steal in her escape efforts and collapses into the back seat.  She's frustrated.  She can't get her legs to work.  So she gets this total-focus look on her face and stares down at her feet and says to herself..."wiggle your big toe".  It doesn't work the first few times she tries but eventually her big toe starts to wiggle and we next see her peel out and floor it into the rest of the movie.

I, too, am woman of house overwhelmed more often than not. It seems amazing that I have any room in the closet of life for anything other than all the hats I must wear on a daily basis.  Get up, kiss Steven [my husband] off to work, make sure Brian [my oldest] hears his alarm so he can get ready for work, get Tyler [my youngest son] started on his studies, prepare lesson plan for tomorrow and ready the necessary materials, do dishes, dust and vacuum house, clean bathrooms, check on Tyler's progress, put in laundry, fix lunch, do dishes some more...AND, AND, AND, ......whew!  I think I'd rather just pull the covers up over my head and hide from all the stuff I have to do.

I lay there in bed with my eyes closed and picture myself in some kind of rusty armor with well-worn sword in tow faced with fighting this fire breathing beast made up of all the things that are on THE LIST.  And even when I am working my fanny off attending to the things I need to accomplish  at the end of the day, there WILL be things that didn't get ticked off the list  because I have either forgotten them, or my day ran out of minutes.  Definitely a hide-under-the-covers kind of day....but none of the things on my rather lengthy list will ever get done if I spend the day under the covers. [Moms don't get sick days....they just don't].  So I think of Uma Thurman looking at her feet and say to myself  "wiggle your big toe"...

I might not peel out and floor it the way our gorgeous athletic heroine did in the movie, but before ya know it, the dishes are clinking in the hot soapy water of the dishwasher, the washing machine is swishing away with long lost underwear and socks that I manage to liberate from some weird abyss in Tyler's room and Tyler is studying the cell structure of an amoeba we found in the pond out back.

The timing of the afore mentioned blogs and the exact point of my devo for the day could not be better.  "The steps of man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way."  I love this verse because ... God didn't say I had to finish every single item on this list that I have compiled, He didn't say that I need to climb Mount Everest or swim the English Channel...He just wants me to do all that I can to His glory.  He values my steps...he delights in them.  I love how the verse doesn't say that God delights in my many achievements or my many successes.  It just says that my steps have been established by Him [He HAS very richly blessed me with my home and wonderful family] and that He delights in my journey.

"Thy Word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path." [Psalm 119:105]
"God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work." [2 Corinthians 9:8]

And see?.....He even lights my way and gives me everything I need in order to excel!

Own It, Girl!

Psalm 66:1 --  "Shout  joyfully to God, all the earth."

I have this amazing friend.  She probably has no idea what a superwoman I really think she is.  In addition to being someone that I can ALWAYS tell everything that's knockin' around in my head - knowing she's going to be honest with me even if it might hurt my feelings [but she's so amazing that she even knows how to tsk tsk me while encouraging me at the same time] - she ALSO has these moments when she reaches out to me.  ME! Can you believe that?  So I not only value her but am valued by her.  ...it just blows my mind.

So the other day my amazing friend was in a dollar type store, looking for great bargains [she's a whiz at this by the way] when she hears song.  Not music....song.  Another woman is in the store, ear-buds tucked tightly in her ears is belting away at the top of her lungs along with the gospel music pumping through her music device.  My amazing friend smiles to herself. She totally enjoys this and then thinks it might be nice to say something to Songbird.  ...she tinkers with the idea....almost doesn't do it.  She was just about to talk herself out of saying anything when she finds herself in the same shopping isle and realizes this is a once in a life time opportunity.

My friend, taps the woman on the shoulder and makes the comment that she's been listening to Songbird and can't begin to express how greatly she appreciates hearing another woman belt out the lyrics to gospel music in public.  GOSPEL music!  IN public!  Not modern rap music or slightly ambiguous praise songs, but tried and true - there is NO mistaking what this woman is singing about - gospel music. [I LOVE IT]

Do you wanna know what Songbird says?  She says  "oh honey, I HAVE to sing.  I'm lucky to be alive.  I was so very sick with cancer but God saw fit to allow me to keep on breathing." Ok, so I don't have this quote word for word but I'm close.

My amazing friend tells Songbird that her day is now made and that walking into that store for a bargain turned out so much better than she had hoped because she was encouraged, uplifted, reminded that God is at work everywhere and thanks Songbird for singing.  Songbird says to my amazing friend....YOU made MY day, because you thanked me and gave me the opportunity to share what God has done in my life.

Two thinks struck me: 1.What if Songbird had been too timid to belt out the lyrics along with her music?   And 2.What if my amazing friend hadn't said anything to her?

I'm so proud of both of them.  Shout it!  Sing it!  Belt it out and TELL other people what an amazing God we have!  Got joy? Own it, girl....and then share it with the rest of the world!

Bear With....Everyone?

Colossians 3::13  --  "Bear with eachother and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive, as the Lord forgave you." [NIV]

 

As the mist settles on the pond in the back yard and the faintest glimmers of day break fade in from the horizon, the only sound I can hear are the wooden rocker legs on the chair in which I view the dawn of a brand new day.  I'm not really viewing anything, though.  I'm angry.  I'm so angry that I'm positive I have more steam coming out of my ears than the large, fuming bull that Bugs Bunny must somehow avoid because he missed the turn in Albaquerque.  My Bible and the Devo study I've been working on sit in my lap, the weight of them there having more to do with the verses I just read than with gravity.

You see, someone [I'm going to call him Sam] called me the other day and "in Christian love" proceeded to tell me what a terrible parent, friend, wife, and just plain human being I am.  He told me I'm a somewhat broken soul that has somehow managed to snag the worst husband on the planet all while permenantly emotionally scarring my children.  Trust me when I explain that the version I have posted in this entry is far, far less colorful and hurtful than the actual words used by Sam when he phoned me.  And while the conversation [I'm using this term very loosely] was several days ago....it still plays in my head like a record player with the little needle thingy set on repeat.  I'm angry.  I'm hurt.  And worse?  I start to doubt my decsion to home school my kids.  Am I really scarring them?

And then there'se this verse....I WANT to be angry.  I really feel like I'm entitled to be more testy than a hornet.  But there is this here verse that says "bear with Sam". Bear with him?  I don't want to be on the same celestial plane!  "Forgive Sam as the Lord has forgiven me."  I don't WANT to forgive Sam.  I'm angry with  Sam!

I sigh.  Very, very deeply and the mallord couple in front of me at the bird seed looks up at me in anticipation of my next startling move.  O.k, Lord...I'll forgive Sam.  Only because you're telling me to, though. NOT because I want to and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

So I'm prepared to pick up the phone to call Sam even though I know he's not yet awake  [ok, so maybe I wanted to rob him of some zzz's] to tell him it's o.k. that I forgive him - when I'm halted in my tracks.  I look at the verse again.   The verse doesn't tell me to do that.  The verse doesn't say "bear with  Sam and tell him that you forgive him for being a jerk and saying terrible things to you."  The verse says....bear with Sam, forgive Sam.  It just hit me that the verse doesn't give Sam the responsability of accepting my forgiveness or even acknowleding that he did anything wrong.  The verse gives ME the resonsability of owning a grievance and forgiving for it.

So I sit back down in the rocking chair and say out loud [much to the surprise of the ducks] "...but  I WANT  to tell Sam what a jerk he was and demonstrate my good behavior by telling him that I forgive him."  Hey, Sam might feel bad for saying those hurtful  things....I  wouldn't  know this unless I tell him he's  forgiven, right?  But I can almost  physically FEEL the gentle hand of the Holy Spirit on my shoulder encouraging me to remain seated.  "That's not what  I said, is  it?" are the words playing on that internal record player, now.

No, it isn't.

SELF-Esteem?

I Peter 3:4  -  "But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." [NASB]

Hmmmm. I was wondering if my current devotional/Bible study would bring up the topic of Self-Esteem.  Really, how can you have a resolution study for women without eventually getting around to this particular topic?  I am so NOT good at this part of inner reflection....here it goes...

In black and white, the question stares at me, daring me...challenging me to answer honestly.  "What are some minor incidentals you have allowed to shape your self- image or self -worth?"  I know where this is going.  The point the author is trying to make is that we should not base our definition of self- worth on something so minor as another person's snide remarks or criticisms.  Nor should we attempt to force ourselves into a physical mold that we perceive to be acceptable in society.  With this statement, I completely agree.

Knowing this, though...in spite of what G.I. Joe might tell you...is NOT half the battle.  The battle begins when faced with the task of putting the "what I know" column of information into the "what I live" column of the inner list that is my life.

The thing I've learned?  I don't actually really have to like my appearance.  Now before I start getting a bunch of e-mails arguing that this is self-destructive and un-Godly thinking, let me explain: I'm often confronted with the observation that I have a low self image. This is a daily battle for me....there has never really been a  point in my life when I look into a mirror, smile big, wink at myself and call up Glamor Shots for a photo shoot.  I'm just not ever going to be in that place [kind of funny if you think about it because I DID actually model a little] ...but for years, I would look into the mirror, wince, and stick out my tongue [yes, I actually did stick my tongue out at myself].  There was not a single thing I could find in that reflection equivalent to my own personal definition of beauty.  So, I would be gently fussed at by those cherished someones in my life.  "You need to see your own beauty". I'm not so sure that I really do, actually.  I realize that this is a self-esteem battle I will never really win.  Feeling kind of guilty because I have a low self-esteem and then trying to fix the way I see myself  became the focus of my life.  An obsession.  Doesn’t God tell us to put no god before Him?  An obsession, from my view point, CAN become a god to which we enslave ourselves.…ergo….I learned that I don’t really have to like my reflection.  But...I also realize that I must still be obedient to Christ.  And this by no means excuses me from the responsibility I have to attempt to improve the image I have of myself.  I no longer openly, verbally insult myself.  I CAN actually accept, graciously, the compliments I get from others regarding my hair, make-up, clothing or what have you WITHOUT arguing with those that give them.   But most importantly, I have given my entire self [yes, even my appearance] to Jesus Christ.  I understand that I really AM "fearfully and wonderfully made".  And my goal?  Maybe I don't have to be all wrapped up in learning to like the mirror [or my reflection in it] - but I can wrap myself in God's truths, obey his Word and let the hidden person of my heart become precious in the sight of God.

So.....SELF worth?  I remove the self-part and focus on worth as it pertains to what God wants me to do on this earth.  I accept FULLY - that God knew me before I was born and does, indeed have a plan for me. [Jer. 1:5] And because I am HIS, because I have been purchased with the blood of Jesus ...I am a beauty queen.  Not in the mirror, No.  But in that I strive to be a reflection of the light Jesus Christ shines outward from within my heart.