SELF-Esteem?

I Peter 3:4  -  "But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." [NASB]

Hmmmm. I was wondering if my current devotional/Bible study would bring up the topic of Self-Esteem.  Really, how can you have a resolution study for women without eventually getting around to this particular topic?  I am so NOT good at this part of inner reflection....here it goes...

In black and white, the question stares at me, daring me...challenging me to answer honestly.  "What are some minor incidentals you have allowed to shape your self- image or self -worth?"  I know where this is going.  The point the author is trying to make is that we should not base our definition of self- worth on something so minor as another person's snide remarks or criticisms.  Nor should we attempt to force ourselves into a physical mold that we perceive to be acceptable in society.  With this statement, I completely agree.

Knowing this, though...in spite of what G.I. Joe might tell you...is NOT half the battle.  The battle begins when faced with the task of putting the "what I know" column of information into the "what I live" column of the inner list that is my life.

The thing I've learned?  I don't actually really have to like my appearance.  Now before I start getting a bunch of e-mails arguing that this is self-destructive and un-Godly thinking, let me explain: I'm often confronted with the observation that I have a low self image. This is a daily battle for me....there has never really been a  point in my life when I look into a mirror, smile big, wink at myself and call up Glamor Shots for a photo shoot.  I'm just not ever going to be in that place [kind of funny if you think about it because I DID actually model a little] ...but for years, I would look into the mirror, wince, and stick out my tongue [yes, I actually did stick my tongue out at myself].  There was not a single thing I could find in that reflection equivalent to my own personal definition of beauty.  So, I would be gently fussed at by those cherished someones in my life.  "You need to see your own beauty". I'm not so sure that I really do, actually.  I realize that this is a self-esteem battle I will never really win.  Feeling kind of guilty because I have a low self-esteem and then trying to fix the way I see myself  became the focus of my life.  An obsession.  Doesn’t God tell us to put no god before Him?  An obsession, from my view point, CAN become a god to which we enslave ourselves.…ergo….I learned that I don’t really have to like my reflection.  But...I also realize that I must still be obedient to Christ.  And this by no means excuses me from the responsibility I have to attempt to improve the image I have of myself.  I no longer openly, verbally insult myself.  I CAN actually accept, graciously, the compliments I get from others regarding my hair, make-up, clothing or what have you WITHOUT arguing with those that give them.   But most importantly, I have given my entire self [yes, even my appearance] to Jesus Christ.  I understand that I really AM "fearfully and wonderfully made".  And my goal?  Maybe I don't have to be all wrapped up in learning to like the mirror [or my reflection in it] - but I can wrap myself in God's truths, obey his Word and let the hidden person of my heart become precious in the sight of God.

So.....SELF worth?  I remove the self-part and focus on worth as it pertains to what God wants me to do on this earth.  I accept FULLY - that God knew me before I was born and does, indeed have a plan for me. [Jer. 1:5] And because I am HIS, because I have been purchased with the blood of Jesus ...I am a beauty queen.  Not in the mirror, No.  But in that I strive to be a reflection of the light Jesus Christ shines outward from within my heart.