The Greater Heart

I John 3:20 -- "If our hearts condemn us. God is greater than our hearts and knows all things."

My knuckles were dead white around the microphone. This was it.  I looked out over a sea of faces - all of them with names that I knew because I went to class in a very small school. I put a smile on my face and looked out just above all the heads, focusing somewhere in the back of the room. I was going to sing....A solo....just me....and all of these eyes staring back at me in anticipation knew exactly who I was and would bump in to me later on as we left Wednesday chapel and headed back to class.

I have never failed to get nervous when I step in front of a mic.  It doesn't matter how many times I do it or weather or not I'm alone or in a group - I get nervous.  But it's not the kind of nervous you'd think. As I stood there and sung the words "God is greater than your heart." I prayed every single second that my heart was were it really should be.  That the notes coming out of my mouth were not actually mine, but were God's as He reached people who needed to hear Him through this music.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that it has been years years since I opened my mouth in song-service to the Lord. I condemn myself. I question my motivation, my heart, my readiness for Christ. Am I being selfish as I belt out this music? Do I worry too much that's it not recording studio quality? Am I too vain because I don't like the way I look up here in front of everybody?

Sadly, the answer to some of these questions is actually, yes. I do worry too much and I do get fussy about my weight -- but here's the thing.  God knows my heart.  He knows my true motivation. And as my very dear and amazing friend said to me as we walked the three-mile loop the other day -- I would tell you you're selfish if I really thought that's what your motivation is. But I know your heart and your not selfish at heart.

As usual, she put things in perspective for me AND did my heart good while she was at it. [she's amazing that way]. I can't NOT get up there in front of the mic and allow God to use me as He desires because I'm condemning myself.  If all of us did that - God's work through us would never be accomplished. And I'm not saying it's not a good thing to look inside our motivation every now and then - we need to keep our "me, me, me's" in check. But God is so much ... so very much greater than the lies we allow ourselves to dwell on. He really DOES know ALL things - including - what's in our hearts.