But Daaad!!

^{Matthew 26: 40-42 -- "}And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, 'So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.'  He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done.' ^"

image: datinggod.org

Looking over at my husband my heart ached in a manner so deep, that I felt as if it might just burst with the weight of it all. His head was cocked in an awkward position so it could rest on the back of Baptist Hospital's vinyl attempt at a sofa. I knew his neck would be sore when he opened his eyes again, but I didn't have the heart to wake him back into the reality of the waiting room. 

Across the room his Aunt and his Mother were also attempting a nap in the cramped space.  I took the moment to walk around a bit - in search of an alcove in which I could hide away and pray aloud.   

Dad Dalton had been admitted through the ER because of a massive stroke. Deep inside I think we all knew that Dad wouldn't be coming home again - but it didn't stop the prayers for a miracle. In fact, I don't think anything on this earth should ever stop prayers for a miracle - no matter what the circumstance. So stepping into a brightly lit corner next to a huge glass window, I continued to beg God to bring Dad back from the coma into which he had suddenly drifted. 

The warm light through the glass messaged my face with gentle, brightly lit fingers and made me think of another hospital and another family member in the grips of a coma due to a massive brain bleed. My Grandfather, Claude Saunders, had gone through all of this years ago. The similarities between the two situations were uncanny, and back then in the small hallways of Orange Park Hospital, I'd also pleaded for a medical miracle. In both cases, however - the Lord decided to call our precious loved ones home. 

I opened my eyes against the brilliant sunshine in time to see a pigeon landing on the concrete windowsill outside. Beyond the bird was a gorgeous sky free of clouds. I felt that it should have been raining. Why didn't the earth stop? It really should have. Didn't it know we were physically strained and emotionally in pain? How could the world keep on spinning around when we were huddled together in the belly of an ICU, watching a machine breath for our family patriarch? 

I wanted to call out through the glass .... "But, God!!! You CAN fix this! I know You can! I don't wanna go through this pain and loss. I don't WANT Dad Dalton to go home, yet. I don't want to bare witness to the huge tears lining my husband's red-rimmed eyes. I don't want to see Mom Dalton and the rest of her family have to trudge through heart break!" 

Later that night - in the wee and dark hours of the next morning, My husband watched a single tear slip from under Dad's eyelids and trickle down his cheek just before he exhaled his very last breath. "We'll all see you later, Dad", Steven would whisper in his Dad's ear. "But I'll miss you terribly until then."

When you and I are faced with an answer to prayer that isn't the answer we want, it's easy for us to want to ask why. There are parts of us that want to get angry as we suffer through the disappointment and hurt.  It can be so very tough. We want to stomp our feet and say "But, God! You COULD have let this cup pass from me!"

We can choose to be obedient to the will of God and continue to serve Him, praise Him, and worship Him - or we can allow the temptation of holding on to our pain defeat us and grow bitter and angry. 

Jesus didn't WANT to go through the pain and agony of dying on the cross. Even deeper than knowing he was about to face a terrible physical pain was the agony that he knew he would experience as he was completely and totally separated from his own Father - just when he would need God the most. But God cannot look upon our sin. He had to allow Jesus to take on all that separates you and me from God so that in the end, ALL of us could join Him in a blessed reunion.

Jesus also had a choice. He didn't have to accept God's will. He was the Son of The Creator of Everything! Jesus could have - at any given moment - called down angels from Heaven to annihilate those who tortured and killed him! Jesus could have avoided being separate from God. 

In fact, if we really read through Matthew chapter 26 - we see that Jesus may have been tempted to do just that. Maybe he wasn't telling his disciples to pray only against their own temptation - maybe he was begging them to pray for his. He kept waking them up and asking them to pray - perhaps - because he needed the reinforcement. Or maybe - he just wanted the comfort of moral and spiritual support. I know I would.

The whole of the matter, however, is; Jesus obeyed. He knew it was going to be difficult in a manner completely unprecedented - but he obeyed. Yes, he asked God to take the task from him - but when God's answer to his prayer was "No." - he was obedient to a fault. 

The "no" answers that we face aren't anything to the magnitude of the "no" that Jesus faced. I very truly have no right to complain and beg and stomp my foot at my Father and ask Him why. 

Instead - I thank you Lord for all the blessings you've granted. I thank you for taking on all of my sin. I am amazed by your strength. I accept ALL of your answers to my prayers - and I give my will over to yours.