Better Left Unsaid

Proverbs 21:23 -- "He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles."

image: proverbs4wisdom.wordpress.com

Though the wonderful friendly aroma of Earl Gray tea rose with the steam from my much-loved coffee mug and my favorite relaxing program lit the room with brilliant color, I couldn't enjoy the moment. Somewhere in my peripheral vision the beautiful butterflies and happy hummingbirds from Disney's Wings Of Life filtered into the back of my brain, but the only thing that really held my attention was the pain. The sour, jagged hurt that comes from the loss of a friend.

I think the death of a friendship is easier to bear when the friend actually dies. Knowing that they live and breathe but intentionally severed all ties using sharp, rough-edged words in a voice so loud that the neighbors could probably hear her on the other end of your phone - is so very much more difficult through which to muddle. Why will she not listen to me? Why will she not even attempt to accept kind words and my effort to mend broken fences and re-build burned bridges? I don't understand.

It all started because my oldest son felt that the life of a co-worker was in danger. She'd been telling him via text messages all week that she was not in control of herself and that her depression was getting the best of her. When she dove head-long in to a destructive relationship yelling - not Geronimo, but: I don't care what happens to me! - Brian stuck his neck out for his friend and called her mother. Mother was not happy. Not even a little bit.

Instead of a grateful heart, what Brian faced was anger. Venom in it's worst form - an angry text in all caps - that informed him his friend was no longer his business and he was to stop telling Mother how to be a parent. He was asked to stop all contact with his friend and told that they wished to be left alone. There were some other unpleasantries in the text but the gist of the matter was after Brian expressed deep concern for the welfare of his friend, he was insulted, cussed at, and then cut off.

I should have kept my mouth shut. But it was all I could do to stand there and watch my son's heart end up in a big mushy pile on the floor. I was devastated. Not only on a deeply hurt and personal level, but on a spiritual level. I tell people I'm a Christian.What if my behavior with my ex-friend and her daughter pushed them away from Christ instead of leading them to him? Perhaps they just misunderstood the situation? So, out of fear, confusion, and yes - more than a little anger, I responded to Mother and attempted to explain that Brian was not reaching out to be judgmental of his friend's behavior, that his "tattling" was done only out of great and sincere concern for her well-being.

.....which of course, only fanned the flames. Mother then contacted daughter to explain that I've issued personal threats and that there should be no further contact between our families. 

Wow. Threats? In all the years I've known this woman, encouraged her, and tried to offer support to her she lies about me?

Wow, again - totally devastated.

I wanted to reach for my phone yet again and talk to them. I wanted to make sure they knew we had no malicious intent. But my husband put his foot down and said to terminate all communication.

Why? Can't I at least attempt to fix this?

It is then that I was reminded of Proverbs 21:23. Guard my mouth and my tongue. Already my attempt to smooth things over ended up making the situation worse. Doing more of the same would not make things any better. Didn't I have proof of that in my clenched and trembling hands?

So, I sat there in the semi-dark with colorful shadows dancing on the walls and tears pouring down my face. Sometimes, I guess - it really IS better to leave things unsaid. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be feeling so miserable. Now, I KNOW that God can take this ugly mess and grant each of us healing, hope, and resolution. But, maybe He wouldn't need to do that if I'd put a little more guard around my mouth and my tongue.