Pace of Grace

Psalm 61:2 -- "From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Two days from my recent hospital discharge had me curled up in a ball in the recliner, breathing deeply - willing the oxygen to put a little spunk in my bones. I got nothin'. No spunk. And as I watched the mole-hill at the sink quickly become a mountain I argued with my tired and willed myself to get up and get some housework done. In the span of an hour, all I'd managed to do was clean off the table before I had to return myself to the recliner and take a few more deep breaths.

I thought of Psalm. Of David. Of the battles that he faced in both spiritual and the physical sense. I read his words as he called out to God. The tired in his voice reached out to my own and I found myself smiling. I call out to you, Father, when my heart grows faint. When my bones ache and my body is tired from my five day stent in the hospital. I smile. Because God is my rock. He is ALWAYS higher than I am, and I know I can ALWAYS call.

Amy Grant used to sing a song from which a few lyrics frequently pop into my head. She said: raise my hands so you can lift me up - hold me close, hold me tighter. I love singing these words because like David, she asks to be lifted up. And like me, she finds herself so exhausted that she can't even raise her arms up to ask for help.  She's asking that God do even that, in her lack of strength.  The amazing beauty of it is that in our weakness, God's strength shines.  ...so bright that it lights up the sky like a super-nova. The cool thing? The really great thing? Others can see a super-nova. In that moment when we are forced to be less of ourselves and rely so completely on the grace of God, others see a light. Others can know Him.

Dean Koontz once wrote: life is not about how fast you run or even with what degree of grace. It's about perseverance, about staying on your feet and slogging forward no matter what. I  think that's very true. It couldn't be more true when we find ourselves at the end of our physical abilities tethered to a frayed spiritual rope, hoping that last thin strand doesn't snap before we can set our feet once again firmly upon terra firma. We know how to achieve perseverance. Paul tells us this in his letters to the churches. And we know that perseverance, perfects our faith. I would LOVE to have perfect faith.

So yes, Lord, raise my arms so you can pick me up and hold me on higher, more solid ground. Shine so brightly within my weakness that others cannot help but see who You are. Pour out your grace through my tired and shine a burning beacon in the dark, in the hopeless, in the tired and worn. I do so love it when I can be used by You. I choose to set my race at the pace of your grace, and your grace alone. I will not reach the finish line any other way.