Heart Of Fresh

Ezekiel 11:19 -- I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

image: AARP.com

I heard the heavy door creak open before I noticed the thin line of light broaden on the cold floor. The nurse had come to check on that thing I like to call - the I.V. Monster. During the night the large clear fluid bag had emptied out leaving the rolling monitor beeping in a loud cranky voice to get some much needed attention. I was surprised that my son - to whom the thing was attached - did not even stir during the whole ordeal. The nurse even managed to check his vitals without so much as causing a flutter on his closed eye lids. She was very good at her job.

When I sat up to stretch from my position on the pullout couch the wonderful nurse looked over at me and apologized for waking me. But the truth is, I'd never been asleep. I just lay there thinking about the pain on my oldest baby's face and the resulting unexpected three day stay at Baptist. With only a week or so to go until Christmas, I was kind of worried that poor Brian would be opening his gifts from a hospital bed.

It wasn't just Christmas that was weighing heavy on my mind. Obviously the REASON behind Brian's hospital admission was causing a great deal of a different kind of pain in my heart. With dry and itchy sleep-deprived eyes I watched my baby sleep through some pretty heavy drugs. The sigh escaped my lips before I even realized my mouth was open.

The results from Brian's tests had come in - he was turning into his mother. There is no ache like the pointless guilt we feel when we realize we've passed some pretty funky genetic material to our children - and are then sitting bed-side watching them fight some of the same chronic health problems that you've been fighting for years. It just didn't seem fair - and a slow, crock-pot kind of simmer began to settle into some pretty deep anger idling in the pit of my stomach. I did not want my boys to struggle with diabetes, liver disease, and the vitamin D deficiency that can come from all of it. Obviously no mother wishes those things for her children - but here was Brian, sleeping in a bed at Baptist South because of pancreatitis - a thing that can happen in those who have diabetes. And here was his awesome nurse telling me that from now on, Brian's diet was going to have to be very, very different.

He was well on the road to turning into me. Now there's a scary thought ladies and gents.

All kidding aside - as I begin to incessantly pray a desperate mother's prayer for the restored health of her children - Ezekiel 11:19 comes to mind.

[Sometimes the thing that gets healed in a hospital room isn't just one's physical body - but one's spiritual heart.] When Brian finally opened his eyes and the green pallor began to pass from his clammy skin - he and I began to talk about change. In fact, after a very rocky and chaotic 2014 - I came to the realization that our diet isn't the only thing we need to modify. -- And while the glittery ball dropped this past week to usher in a shiny new year - it occurred to me that resolution season may be the perfect opportunity to instigate a few spiritual changes.

image: virginactive.co.uk

Verse 19 of the 11th chapter in Ezekiel puts it so perfectly. I WANT my Father to give me an undivided heart! That is - a heart that is completely focused on HIS will - not on MY life. I long to serve my Lord wholly and utterly - with no abandon what-so-ever. It's time to change my spiritual diet along with my physical one! No longer should I eat food because it's convenient, easy, or comforting - but I need to start looking to thrive on nutrient rich sustenance.

Isn't that how a branch grows? ...by nutrient rich soil? Isn't my Lord the Vine and I the branch? [John 15:5]

As 2015 gets off to a great start - what are some changes to which you are resolved? Does your spiritual diet need to be re-fortified? Do you need a new spirit within which let loose a stationary heart of stone so that you may grow a heart of FRESH?